Last updated on December 30th, 2025 at 09:25 am
Finding acceptance in perplexing times is not an art. It is a mindful journey into taking your destiny to what you have left in your life after loss.
The final stretch of any year brings newfound joy, celebrations, fond memories of months gone by, and enthusiasm for an oncoming year. But it also evokes yearning for relationships lost and love once held dear.
For those who celebrate the December-January festive season, it can be a bitter-sweet occasion if loved ones departed during the course of the year. For some, even memories of prior festive seasons spent without loved ones still linger.
- If you are wondering how to transfer your destiny from a place of loss to a place of acceptance in perplexing times, this article is for you.
Dear friends,
Admittedly, I am a sucker for thought-provoking quotes. One of my favorite quotes of all time is the T.D. Jakes quote: “Your destiny is not in what you have lost. It is in what you have left.” When I heard the quote it got me thinking about loss in its various – and usually – painful forms.
We lose material possessions, friends and even animal companions. Yet the absolutely devastating form of loss is that of a beloved family member, friend or acquaintance. It is loss that is near impossible to deal with. As one who lost to death a mother, brother and father, I feel like a veteran of devastation and sadness.
My first experience of losing a close family member was when my mother died. I was very young and therefore not really able to comprehend what was going on. All I felt was emptiness and longing. Later when my brother departed his life, I was older and able to embrace the sadness. But when my father bid us farewell, the sadness was even more profound, as my original family was down to just two members – my sister and me. In our extended family there are no aunts, uncles or cousins – just a half-sister, our spouses and children.
This time the sadness descended like a leaden cloud. It enveloped every facet of my being. I couldn’t cry enough or be overwhelmed enough. Add to the misery the fact that our father died screaming in agony. It was a mental picture I could not replace with anything. That is until the day I heard the T.D. Jakes quote about loss and destiny. It was as if it was meant for me; begging me to strip away the mask of sadness and regret. It urged me to realize that I had to move to a destiny beyond the one I had set after my father’s passing.
There Is Comfort In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
Perplexing times have a habit of recalling other disconcerting whiles. When we experience a loss of any kind, there is always someone else’s story that matches our own. Alternatively, there is our own recollection of similar events.
If you have lost material possessions, it is guaranteed that the person next to you has at some point lost his possessions. And probably even in the same manner which you did. If you have lost a friend or lover in any way, be rest assured that there is a narrative identical to yours.
Additionally, we are – in a sense – obsessed with questioning and defining loss: Where was your wallet, etc? Where did your friend go? Why did he leave? What happened? or I know exactly how you feel. Is it because of real obsession or is it the need to compare, swap stories and share the misery – so to speak?
Not really. It is the desire for empathy, and the comfort of knowing that we are not alone when we encounter emotionally challenging situations. Undiluted sadness is a heavy burden to bear. We need someone to help us shoulder the load of forfeiture and despair. Without friends to talk to, I couldn’t imagine how I would have carried the burden of my father’s tragic passing.
After years of struggling to come to terms with what I witnessed in that hospital where my father died, I had to reconsider the relationship with my sadness. It had become my watermark – underlying and only detectable when I opened myself up to anyone. The endless thoughts of what-if and if-only consumed me entirely, and it was difficult to step into the world and function. I was forty seven years old, but deep down I felt the loss of my parent as if I were a little child.
In terms of the T.D. Jakes quote, I knew what I had lost, how I had lost it, but I had forgotten what I had left in my life. My destiny was all about wondering if I would ever accept what happened to my father, and how I would dispel the omnipresent agony.
In Acceptance There Is Peace:
Nearing the third anniversary of my father’s death, a friend taught me a very powerful lesson in acceptance. She had lost her mother after prolonged illness. Naturally, having experienced a similar trauma, I imagined that my friend would be an emotional mess; that her life would be fraught with mood swings and for ages she would be inaccessible – as I was immediately after my own experience. For her, this was not so. In a message, she wrote about acceptance; that it was okay to accept the departure of people from our lives, no matter how difficult the pain.
It is heartbreaking to lose anyone to death. And holding on to the pain and what-if seems automatic. But my friend wrote that through deliberate acceptance of what she could not change, she had found peace. She had released the painful memories, and only tapped into the wonderful moments she shared with her mother. Her mother wished for her to “continue living”, and that is exactly what she resolved to do.
What resonated most with me was the paragraph my friend wrote about focusing on family, friends and other positive areas of her life. And then came the words, “… because that is what I have left. Besides, in acceptance there is peace.” So, on the day when I heard the T.D. Jakes quote, it was like an extra push for me to review my destiny.
My friend’s destiny was placed firmly in what she had left in her life, acceptance and peace, and I am fully inspired to travel a similar path.
Today, my life is no longer set in angst and potential life-long struggle to dry my tears. It is now in all the magnificent blessings I have left and the potential life-long acceptance of the things that I cannot change. Indeed, this is a form of peace worth living.
Treasure the Positive Moments, and People Still Present In Your Life
Upon reflection I see quite clearly that I was afraid of forgetting my father’s suffering – that acceptance meant I would move on, celebrate everything, and be happy and carefree without giving a single thought to that awful incident. And during festive seasons, I would overlook mentioning how much I thought about him, my mother and brother.
Now I understand that acceptance does not mean forgetting loss or disregarding the lives and departure of my loved ones. It means that although I will have moments of sadness for my loss, and yearning for the things I could not have and hold onto; my destiny will not lie in eternal mourning. It is in the people and moments still here and present in my life. No longer will I rob them of my attention. Festive seasons will be shared in joy, while fond memories of my departed loved ones will be held close in my heart in acceptance and peace.
I have come to realize – in a ‘comforting nutshell’ – that finding acceptance in perplexing times is not an art. It is a mindful journey into taking my destiny to what I have left in my life after experiencing loss.
Closing Thoughts:
I hope that this article has been a source of comfort for you during perplexing times, and that it has helped you find acceptance. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Dear friend, you deserve to live beautifully and mindfully in acceptance and peace, enjoy the blessings of Mother Earth, and strive to cultivate a triumphant mind.
Yours in beautiful friendship,
Diane Grace Wessels – Editor-in-Chief
- This article’s featured image by Pixabay.
© Triumphant Mind Lifestyle Magazine – triumphantmind.com – All rights reserved.
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